Sometimes I strangely find myself in a disturbed state and today is one such day. I call it strange because I know not the reason that's affecting me. It irks me that I should depend on something as unreliable as time to get myself back to normalcy. Sigh...today, as most of the days in the past few weeks, I have nothing to talk about except of "Of Human Bondage" and the music classes. It makes me feel if I am restricting myself to things that seem to narrow down my thought process... or are they diversifying it in a way to question me on various things...I seem to myself lacking perfection in, clarity on and devotion to anything in life. With no ideas or thoughts of my own, I seem to be living vicariously. Down to the fourth music class, where's the initial excitement... where's the promise I made to myself to spend my time after the tedious interviews "njoyin" music...even as I post this "navaraaagamaalika" sweeps past my ears...but never manages to stir the soul...
If music should spurt from the soul, should I care to differentiate between M1 of "Sankarabharanam" and M2 of "Kalyani"... It's N3 in both but it still is different...phew...I don't seem to make out the difference...my heart yearns for instrumental music...the yearnings went thru keyboard, violin and now it's veena...I don't trust myself anymore now...I have always been an enthusiastic starter and then a reluctant learner...
I reconcile myself that it's just a matter of time...time!!!...how I hate this uncertainity...What do I have in store for me at the end of this wait...
I have ruined one to build another...One seems Norah and the other Mildred...I just hope my Mildred doesn't turn out to be as bad as the original one...Damn...It's "OHB" again...
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"Enthusiastic starter...reluctant learner" that would be the caption for more than most of us.
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